Molly
Lincoln-Berkeley Community Garden, Brooklyn, NYC — 7/17/2023
Author’s note: Toward the tail end of the summer of '21, on Elsewhere's rooftop in Brooklyn overlooking Manhattan, I met Molly. The DJs spun, the crowd swayed, and the sun hugged us all.
Complete this sentence - I am …
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I am sweaty.
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I am an insufferable hot person, and I'm not made for humid weather, so… I'm sweaty. I'm also hopeful. I'm incredibly excited about the phase of life that I'm in. The early thirties are awesome, and I’m pumped for what the rest of the decade will bring.
If you could give your younger self advice, what would that be?
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Love yourself and where you are, but don't get used to it because it's gonna change.
Are you proud of yourself?
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Yeah. Yeah, I think I am. No, I definitely am. I'm really proud of the place where I am in my life. I'm proud of taking risks and embracing responsibilities that I was afraid of in the past, like adopting a dog who is simultaneously making my life and ruining my life. I'm proud of delving into the unknown.
“I love being in my 30s. I love it. Are you still recording? Okay. I had so much difficulty anticipating this milestone – but, in a split second, I turned 30. And when I did I just felt like I couId exhale. I love being in this moment in life. It’s beautiful. Don’t you love being in your thirties?”
I want you to take a step back and think about a fond, nostalgic moment from your childhood.
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I was recently flooded with nostalgia when I visited Star Island, which is a place I grew up visiting for the past 20 plus years. When I stepped onto the island and walked into the lobby of the hotel, I was brought back all of these fond memories of playing cards in the lobby with friends, gathering in there during thunderstorms, and when I was older working behind the front desk. I’ve lived so many phases of life visiting that island, and those were all such poignant experiences that seemed mundane while I was doing them.
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That makes me wonder - ‘What am I going to be nostalgic about in the future?’ Maybe it's this conversation? That would be pretty dang cool.
In those moments when you're laying in bed and you just don't want to get out, what motivates you?
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I think I used to have a lot more of those moments before my dog, but I don't anymore. I wake up, and - BOOM - responsibility. I have a living thing that’s relying on me for survival and to pee in the morning.
What does responsibility mean to you?
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It used to be something I was afraid of, and now it's a fun challenge. Something my partner says is: ‘all of the things worth having in life bring responsibility’. I love that. Up until this point, I've only been responsible for myself and my well-being and what I want to do, and now there’s a new calculation. And even though he's just a dog – not a human child, but a dog – my decisions revolve around him and I'm limited by this incredibly cute, very expensive, and sometimes asshole creature who takes up my whole bed, but I love it.
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I think having infinite freedom isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
How do you define love or what does the feeling of love mean to you?
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You know, it's not feeling swept away and head over heels and blah blah blah. No, loving someone else is being your best self to show up for that person. Love is not how someone makes you feel about yourself. It's actually wanting to be the best version of yourself for them.
How do you know when you're in love, whether it’s with an animal, a friend, or a partner?
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Love is a spectrum and you can have different types of love for different types of people. I've realized platonic love is just as rich and important as romantic love. Both romantic and platonic love have the common denominator of truly wanting the best for the other person and wanting to do everything within your power to help them thrive and feel loved.
Discuss the concept and importance of community.
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Physical community is everything, and it's something that we, as a society, are severely lacking because of a lot of factors: working from home, nuclear family units, and so on.
Molly introduced the concept of first, second, and third spaces. The first space refers to one's home, the second space refers to the workplace, and the third space represents a social gathering space like a church, gym, or bowling alley—a place where people come together that provides the feeling of inclusiveness and belonging.
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Third spaces and physical communities are disappearing, and people are increasingly siloed. Something that I'm committed to figuring out in the next year is what my third space is. Maybe it’s this community garden or the food co-op. I’ve always loved investing in physical communities and I want to do more of it because that’s what makes my cup runneth the fuck over.
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I consider myself an Epicurean. I have a strong desire to live in a commune. I envision living on a big ranch, surrounded by all my friends, family, multigenerational, where the kids can run around with wildflowers in their hair. But am I going to do that? Maybe not. Do you want to join my commune?
Author’s note: I said yes
“Community is my core value. We are meant to operate in communities. With a strong foundation of family and friends, anything becomes possible”