Ray
North Providence, RI — 7/6/2023
Author’s Note: The story of Ray and I started off with a rivalry. One day during middle school, Ray "accidentally" bumped into me, which led to me "accidentally" spilling the cup of juice in my hand onto him. At that moment we became arch-nemeses. We quickly scheduled a fight in the schoolyard, but a teacher got tipped off and intervened before we could battle royale, resulting in both of us receiving an in-school suspension. The next day as we sulked across from one another in the principal's office, Ray tossed an object my way—a little plastic alien. I threw it back, and we burst into laughter. Since that moment, we've been best friends.
How has having a daughter shifted your perception of life?
00;02;53;20
It brought a new layer of responsibility but also unlocked a new layer of happiness that you can't experience until you see something you made grow and experience life and learn new things. You know, when she reaches a new milestone or learns a new word or figures out how to do something that she's trying. I think helping her learn and grow is more important than me doing new things now.
00;04;57;06
When you're ready to take that on, you're not really worried about failing and you just do your best.
00;05;48;06
As a parent, you're really trying to make sure that they're ready to take on the world and accept things for themselves rather than, you know, doing everything for them or trying to raise another version of you. Because once you realize that they're going to be their own person and experience their own version of life, you just want to make sure they're prepared and have the right tools to make good decisions and that's really all you can do.
Are you proud of yourself?
00;11;42;12
Yeah, I'm proud of myself for where I am right now in my life. I think everybody can look back and have regrets and think about different paths. They could have chosen to be in better spots, but I'm proud of where I'm at right now and also what I want to accomplish.
00;12;30;12
I don't think you can ever just stop what you're doing and say, ‘Well, yeah, I'm proud. And that's pretty much it.’ Because then, you know, time will go by and no matter who you are or how old you are, we're always getting older. I think we'll always look back and regret if we stop growing. So being proud up to this point is good, but you're going to continue that and keep pushing yourself and setting new goals and reaching new milestones and anyone who's not proud of themselves, you always have more time.
Is there a quote that resonates with you or a value that you strive to hold onto, like a compass to live by?
00;25;24;13
‘The older you get, it seems like the days go by slow, but the years go by fast.’
00;25;29;29
And I'm feeling that more and more now. As you know, I'm not old by any means, but I'm 34 now and as much as I've grown and developed as a person, I don't feel much different than when I was in my younger mid-twenties. But that number keeps going up for sure.
00;25;57;17
Really the point I'm getting at is that you really do have to do things in your life that you want to do and that make you happy. As much as it seems like we have all this time in the world, it really is limited in the grand scheme of things.
00;26;41;29
There are things we all have to do that we don't want to do. And that's part of being disciplined and pushing ourselves. But as far as things that we work towards and things we do in our free time, I think you really ought to spend it doing things that make you truly happy and that give you the best quality of life experiences because I think that most of our core memories are experiences we've had in our life, most of the time with loved ones.
00;27;24;24
Those are the memories I look back on and are the most nostalgic memories. So I think just keep doing things that you enjoy doing that make you happy [and that] will give you the best quality of life.
