Vivie
Pardon My French, East Villiage, NYC — 7/15/2023
Author’s note: I met Vivie in 2021 at Tabata Ultimate Fitness, a HIIT gym in Brooklyn.
If you could give your younger self a piece of advice, what would it be?
00;01;07;20
To slow the fuck down. Things are not as horrible as it seems. Maybe things are actually horrible at the moment, but you are a lot stronger than you think and you'll always get to the other side.
Childhood wonder and curiosity - what does that mean to you? What significance does that hold in your life?
00;05;01;02
It means everything to me, it's such a big part of the fabric of who I am as a person. One of the things that influenced that within me is something my mom taught me.
She's always had to work pretty tough jobs and do things that a lot of people would look at and judge - manual labor and cleaning up after other people. So I asked her ‘How do you do that and still feel happy in life?’
A lot of what she channels is that you can do anything in life but it's all about the energy that you put into it and the emotion that you channel while doing it - that makes all the difference in the quality and type of life you live.
So for her, it's - ‘I'm gonna do everything with a happy heart’ - and that's what amounts to a happier life. And for me that resonates with childlike curiosity because it stems from this raw form of joy.
00;07;13;19
So yeah, that's something I try to extract and instill in everything I do in life - just to make it a good one.
What does love mean to you?
00;15;09;21
Love for me means being understood or just the care and effort to be understood. Those are the moments where I feel the most in love; when someone goes out of their way to make me feel understood.
What tangible ways do you differentiate feeling understood versus not?
00;18;22;15
It's a very physical feeling for me. I can feel myself clenching and getting smaller when I'm not feeling understood and loved. And heaviness in my heart and my body. I also find myself not being able to vocalize myself as well in those types of environments.
00;19;09;29
And when I'm feeling understood and loved - I'm not so much in my head. Yeah, just lighter. It feels free and I'm just floating. I’m existing and it's okay.
What are some experiences that you have in which time stands still?
00;16;06;28
Those moments that put you in a state of awe. For me, it's the feeling of being a small speck in the wider grand scheme of things. It could be anything from seeing a majestic view over a valley or the ocean and seeing how powerful nature is and how small I am in comparison. Or it could be being in a huge crowd of people in a really busy city. That reminder of - ‘Wow, there's so much going on, there's so many other souls and lives being lived.’ Those are the moments where I can really stand there and marvel at the wonder. Yeah, I’m a sucker for a nice view, that’s for sure.
00;17;31;09
Also, moments where I'm being creative - like painting. There is something very tangible and malleable when I’m learning in the moment and making decisions - ‘Oh, maybe that doesn't really work.’ - ‘I'm not really liking that.’ - ‘What can I do to change that?’
That creative process, I can get lost in that and the whole day can pass.
What's one thing that you love about yourself and what's one way in which you could be kinder to yourself?
00;22;27;01
I really do love the way I think - I move through life romanticizing things and in my own world, which is a lot of fun - to really be in the moments of very human feelings, experiences, and observations.
00;23;19;23
I also think I have really cute dimples, which really enhances my smile. My smile has shaped a lot of my experiences with other people.
What was the second part?
What is one way in which you could be kinder to yourself?
00;24;40;10
It's hard, it's really hard. I know what it is, but, how do I actually do it?
I would love to stop beating myself up for just being imperfect and human. I would love to do that. That would be amazing. That's really what I'm striving for - to be more gentle to myself, show myself more grace, and truly be my own number-one fan and cheerleader.
“I’m grateful that despite all the shitty things that may have happened in my life and in my childhood I was still able to receive love unconditionally enough that I truly don’t ever doubt the concept that I am loved.”